You left me by the river bank
alone with my grief, where
I sit motionless and dwell upon
the intensity of my hurt,
stinging my moral fiber,
whilst the Canadian geese gawk at the neighboring fisherman.

You were the autumn wind,
cold and uncontrollable,
and I nothing more than a deciduous tree--
letting you pluck from me
the orangey-red foliage that is my heart.
Fallen away because its use is finished.

Two tears descend,
skimming my lips
they are no escape from my thirsty tongue
and this is all I have left to show for my remorse?
You left me alone
in a crowded world.

Soon the sun will steal the warmth from the air
as it flees beyond what I cannot see
and when the chill of night comes out from hiding,
I will recall the love I no longer have
Because you left me by the river bank.

Halloween

I would love to take a nice long stroll anywhere at all and just absorb in the Fall scenery using as many of my senses as possible--let the rich reds, oranges, and yellows take over my sight as I listen to the sounds of the falling leaves tickling the sidewalks. I would welcome the chilly air kissing the tip of my nose, while smelling the sweet fragrance of decaying leaves all falling around me, and all the while tracing the coarse knitting of my warm cozy sweater with my fingertips.

It just occured to me that if you are as faithful as you seem, you could perhaps view all of this as some sort of test of your faith. In no way do I doubt your strength of mind. Maybe God did place me in your life as a temptress-- maybe I am meant to be like the snake that tempted Eve-- an instrument that only exists to make you more in touch with your faith. I would like to think that I have more of a purpose than that, but then again, I'm the one that doesn't believe. Maybe it is my punishment? Or maybe you exist to present faith to me? You see how I question everything? This is my nature. Although it would give me less of a headache (and get me to bed at a decent hour) to believe in something and stick to it, I just cannot do so because it does not feel right to me. I have always followed my heart (and I really do not think it has lead me astray yet) and my heart seems to get concerned whenever I try to accept beliefs such as yours. I'm torn though because my heart also tells me to let all this go because you seem a good match for me. But is it right to sacrifice what I value? After all, this is not something that can be avoided forever. I wish I knew the right answer. I wish my heart could have been made unbreakable. It feels as though it has been shattered.